Sometimes people can get themselves into awkward situations. Situations where you may have overheard a conversation you did not want to hear. These types of situations can lead to self-disclosure. McCornack defines self-disclosure as the revealing of "private information about ourselves to others (2013, p. 63)." For instance, if someone came up to me and said they liked my skin complexion. I would say thank you and disclose to them that my mother is Caucasian and my father is African American. They would not have known my parentage if I had not disclosed that private information to them.
The Johari Window explains self-disclosure in a simple diagram. The Johari Window is separated into four quadrants: Public, Blind, Hidden, and Unknown.
Public: aspects recognized by yourself and others. Blind: traits others see in you, but you are not aware of. Hidden: parts about yourself you are aware of, but hide from others. Unknown: aspects not known to you or others. When we engage with interpersonal communication and self-disclosure, the main focus is on the III Quadrant: Hidden.
Within the Hidden III Quadrant, we can study more about self-disclosure.
There are seven characteristics of self-disclosure.
1.Occurs in small increments 2.Moves from less personal to more personal 3.Is Reciprocal 4.Involves Risk 5.Online is different from face-to-face 6.Involves trust 7.Occurs over time
I have had my fair share of self-disclosure. Just the other day, a girl told me she broke up with her girlfriend and began to tell me the details while I was waiting to go into my next class. However, the other day I observed a very strange conversation. I was in the dressing room at Ross when I overheard a grandmother speaking to another shopper. There I was minding my own business when a grandmother and her granddaughter came into the dressing room. The granddaughter went into the room next to me and was trying on dresses. The door wouldn't lock so the grandmother had to hold it. (The room they were in was the only dressing room available.) It was weird because I couldn't see these people I was listening to, but my imagination ran wild. Then, the grandma started talking to a woman next to her who was with her daughters picking out prom dresses.
The grandmother didn't even give an introduction.
She said, “Yeah. Her mother really should be doing this.”
A thousand thoughts ran through my head. “Oh, no. Did she die? Does she work too much? Overseas?”
“She doesn't have a job and she has five kids. Well, she just got a job last week, but I don’t think it’ll last.”
I am utterly shocked. This woman is speaking loud enough for her granddaughter and everyone in the dressing room to hear. I felt so sorry for the granddaughter having to hear this. Especially from the grandma!
The woman stumbled over her response, “Oh, I am…uh…sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah, one of her kids has a disability so it’s real hard.”
Then, the grandma asked the granddaughter if she had picked a dress yet. She said she like the red one, but it was more expensive. (Only $3 difference.) They left the dressing room before I did because I love to shop and I had tons of clothes to try on, but I just couldn't get them off my mind.
What did I learn from this situation? Some information you should not disclose with others because it can hurt the people around you. Imagine what the granddaughter must have felt hearing her mom be talked about that way. In front of strangers! This self-disclosure was definitely not reciprocal. The woman responded with a one line answer and never spoke again. The transaction was one-sided. The grandmother went for it and shot straight to more personal. The conversation involved risk. The risks of having everyone hear your business when you should, in this situation, keep it to yourself. Who knows? The mother may not be the greatest mom in the world, but there is a time and a place to discuss such matters and a Ross dressing room is not one of them.